Stop Giving Him an Out

One of the things I hear women do too often it seems, especially church planter’s wives is give their husband an out.

Recently, Katie and I were talking about a new book she read called The Church Planting Wife. She told me she liked a lot of it, but felt like the author kept giving her husband an out for his sin.

Here’s how it happens for couples, whether they plant or not.

He is busy. People want his time. He needs to give it. So, during dinner he answers his phone, email or text. During date night he has his phone on. I’ve sat and heard wives say, “People need him.” No they don’t. Your husband isn’t Jesus and that is sin.

Now, before you think I believe pastors shouldn’t care for people or be available, that isn’t the case. But, the reason pastor’s don’t take vacations, days off or be present with their families. The reason they schedule something every night, run themselves ragged is not because there is so much church planting work to be done, but because of sin. Because they think they have to care for everyone, be there for everyone, meet every need, be at every meeting, be involved in everything. The pastor is not the only person who can do something in a church. In fact, the New Testament shows in numerous places (take Ephesians 4 for example) that if the pastor is the only one doing something, that’s an unbiblical, unhealthy church.

Are there times you need to move something around with your family for an emergency? Yes. Should you ever skip a day off or work on it? Sometimes that happens.

If that becomes the norm, that’s when sin creeps in.

Men, if this is you and your wife makes excuses in her head for you not being present, skipping days off, feeding your idol of being needed and thinking you are Jesus. Repent. Women, if you make excuses for his sin, you need to repent of that and stop doing that.